I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and here’s the thing.  I’ve discovered that I’m not a runner.  I can run, but I’m not running’s biggest fan.  I’m not buying the big foam finger.  You may have noticed my lack of enthusiasm for my training lately via blog posts and/or my musings on Twitter.  It has slowly dwindled since the early days of this blog.  I’ve come to a point where I’m over the training and just want to run this race already!

I started this blog back in April as a way to document my journey to becoming a runner.  I had big dreams of loving this new sport and becoming the athlete I’ve always wanted to be.  I was going to be a Runner with a capital R.

The truth is that the desire just isn’t really there.  I’ve struggled with training lately which has led to struggling with what to blog about.  I didn’t want to be a downer all the time and talk about how I was getting lazy and not wanting to run during the week and dreading my long runs on the weekend.  I didn’t want my blog to read as one excuse after another.

I also have been starting to feel as if my blog is a little one-dimensional.  Lacking a personal feel, some passion.

So with all that said, I’ve decided to take the plunge and completely revamp the blog – title, focus, URL, layout, the whole shebang.  I want to write about more than just running.  I’m going to keep running as a small part of my life (and fitness), but I want to be more than that and share more than that with all of you. 

I’m hoping my tiny following will stick with me through these many changes and enjoy what I have to offer on a wider scale.  I’ll be writing about life, books, my pup, fitness, and more.  It’s evolving just like I am.

I plan on working on these changes over the weekend and hope to debut the new site next week.  I’m going to keep the new name under wraps until next week too – ooh, cliffhanger!  Let’s just say I came up with the most awesome blog name ever almost a year ago, even bought the domain, and never did anything with it.   {Said in movie announcer’s voice} Until now….

Hold onto your running shoes, because it’s coming!

-noun: a person, animal, or thing that runs, esp. as a racer

And I’ve heard a lot of people say just that when asked how they define a runner.  If you run, you’re a runner.  No matter how long you’ve been running or even if you’ve never run a race.  Simple as that, right?

I’ve been running (mostly) consistently for four months now.  Am I a runner?

If you ask me, no.  No, I am not.

I think that part of being a runner is getting out there and logging the miles just because you want to or need to – even when you’re not training for a race.  It means liking, even loving, running.  Needing to do it because it’s a part of who you are. 

When I think about runners, people like Meghann, Ashley, and Angela come to mind. 

Would I still be running if I hadn’t committed to raising money in my grandmother’s memory for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society by running the Nike Women’s Half Marathon?  Would I run just because I wanted to?  Would I even want to?

The truth is: maybe not.  I’m not 100% sure if I like running yet.  I know I sometimes like how I feel while I’m running.  I know I always like how I feel after I’ve run – particularly long runs where I’ve achieved a new PDR.  I like being able to tell other people that I’m training for a race as big as a half marathon and that I’ve run 9 miles twice now.  I like the bragging rights associated with it.  But I don’t particularly look forward to running.  I don’t think I’d be as likely to do it just for myself.  Just for fun.

When would I consider myself a runner?  If I come out the other side of my half and still want to run just because I can, just because I want to, just because it’s a beautiful day and I want to be moving around outside – then I’ll be a runner.  Right now I’m running with one goal in mind – crossing the finish line in San Francisco on October 17.  Once that goal has been met, who knows what will happen?

I started this blog to document my journey not only to my half marathon but also to becoming a runner.  It’s stated right there at the top of my blog: Becoming a runner one step at a time.  Maybe I’ll get there, maybe I won’t.  I may just become someone who runs.  Sometimes.  If she feels like it.  If it’s not too hot or not too cold outside.  If she has time.  If she doesn’t feel like going to the gym that day. 

And that’s okay.  Because the more I think about it, that may be closer to who I am. 

What’s in a name?  How do you define a runner?  How do you define yourself?

I took off early last Wednesday morning for the West Coast to attend the American Psychological Association annual conference in San Diego.  I spent the next 5 days working in the exhibit hall and spending quality time with my coworkers.  This was the sixth APA I’ve attended for work and probably one of the best.  I thoroughly enjoyed the weather there!  The consistent 70-degree temperatures and cool breezes off the water were a welcome change to the heat and humidity back home.

I had 9 miles to run on Saturday morning, but I knew early on in the trip that that probably wasn’t going to work for me.  I had an author dinner at 7:30 on Friday night and knew it would be a late one!  Since I ended up having Thursday night free – and since you can run at any time of day in San Diego, not having to wake up at dawn to beat the heat – I spontaneously decided to take off for my 9 miles around 6 pm.  This was after literally being on my feet from 9 to 5 all day!  I think my coworkers thought I was a wee bit crazy to run like that after a long day, but it ended up working out.

How can you not enjoy running with views like this?

I was surprised at how well this run went considering the day I’d had.  It felt great to be outside and moving around after being cooped up inside the convention center.  I did a nice out-and-back route along the Embarcadero, up to the airport/Harbor Island, and back to my hotel.  I loved being surrounded by other runners!  I’m so used to running by myself around town where not many people run; it was a nice change to have the company of other runners around me.  I ended up finishing the 9 miles slightly faster than I did two weeks ago – in 1:55.24. 

The best part was that I actually enjoyed myself!  I always feel good after I’ve completed a run, but I had a really good time on this one.  I think the change in weather and scenery helped me out a lot.  I also took pride in the fact that I was doing something pretty epic while on a business trip!  Not gonna lie – it was pretty sweet to walk into our booth the following morning and tell my coworkers that I actually did run 9 miles the night before.

That Saturday night I got to meet up with two my best friends from back home who now live in California.  Shaina and Dallas (sisters) grew up just around the corner from me (we’ve been friends since we were 3) – our backyards connected, and we used to run back and forth playing all day long!  They both moved out to the L.A. area a few years ago.  Now Dallas lives in San Diego, and Shaina’s in Bakersfield.  Shaina hopped in her car for a road trip to SD for the weekend, so we could all go out for drinks.  It was great to get together with childhood friends.  I hadn’t seen Shaina in at least 6 months; I don’t think I’d seen Dallas since she moved 3 years ago!

I finally arrived home in NJ very late Sunday night/early Monday morning.  And I’ve been on vacation all week.  It’s great to have this time off after working such long hours the week before.  I spent Monday/Tuesday recovering from my trip and the jet lag and spending quality time with Darcy – who has pretty pitiful separation anxiety and always misses me tons when I have to travel!  The last couple of days have been spent at the Honda dealership getting my car serviced and doing some outlet shopping (picked up a couple new sports bras and some compression tights for the upcoming fall weather). 

Tomorrow will be the highlight of my week off – I’m either taking a super-quick trip down the shore to Wildwood with my mom or taking this face to the dog beach I just discovered!

Oh yeah, and at some point in the next three days, I’ll be hitting a running milestone with my first double-digit run: 10 miles!  I’m working on a new playlist and charging up my Garmin and iPod for the occasion.  You can bet there will be a recap in the near future!

What have you been up to in the past week?  Did you have an awesome run?  Go on a cool weekend getaway…the Healthy Living Summit maybe?  Do tell!

As a young child I don’t really remember disliking my body per sé,  but I do recall comparing it to my friends’ bodies.  In elementary school most of my friends were tiny, little sprites.  I wasn’t a big kid and was never overweight during those early years, but I always felt like a giant when standing next to them.  I took dance lessons from the age of 3 to around 13, and as I got older, spent a considerable amount of class time scrutinizing myself and the other girls in the mirror.  How did I look doing those leaps across the room?  Does Brittany look smaller than me from the side?  I wasn’t consciously putting myself down, but the constant comparisons weren’t helping me either.

When I stopped dancing sometime in middle school, my physical activity pretty much ended.  I always preferred reading a book to running around outside, and I never played team sports.  My eating habits weren’t excessive, but my diet wasn’t very balanced.  I had a deep love for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese (and I cannot tell a lie, I still do!), Cheetos, and white cheddar popcorn.  I guess you could say “cheese” was the theme of my formative years!  By the time I got to high school, I was a little bit larger than my classmates – if not slightly overweight, then definitely at the high end of the healthy weight for my height (around 5’4” on a good day).

I definitely gained weight in college once I was eating in the dining hall (freshman year) and cooking quick (unhealthy, high calorie) meals for myself.  I never bought fresh foods and lived mostly on packaged, processed items.  By the time I graduated in 2004 I was hovering somewhere just below 200 pounds.  I don’t know for sure because I didn’t own a scale.

I moved back home after graduation and continued to gain weight.  I was working full-time in the marketing department of a large publishing house and buying breakfast and lunch every single day.  I’d also snack after dinner each night out of boredom.  Exercise was a four-letter word.  When I went for my annual exam in the fall of 2006, I saw the number 208 on the doctor’s scale.  I was wearing size 18 pants and knew I never wanted to see a size 20.

In October 2006 I moved out of my mom’s house and into an apartment with two of my childhood friends.  Christine had also struggled with weight over the years, yo-yo-ing up and down a bit.  That January she came home from the gym talking about the sign for a new Weight Watchers meeting she had seen in the locker room.  She wanted to attend but didn’t want to go alone.  I piped up and said I’d tag along.  It was a total whim.  I actually didn’t think it would amount to anything.  I’d “tried” to change my eating habits in the past, never lasting more than a day.  I went to my first meeting on January 18 and never looked back.

I weighed 197 pounds at my first weigh-in (I’d actually managed to lose about 10 pounds by laying off the nighttime snacking since moving into my apartment).  I didn’t have a goal weight at that point.  I just did my thing – counted points, started working out at the apartment gym every night after work and in the mornings on the weekend.  I was a perfect little Weight Watcher.  I consistently lost weight every single week.  I hit my goal weight of 130 pounds on October 17 that same year.  Nearly 70 pounds in 9 months.  I felt great, I looked great.

But I thought I was done.

I was never able to maintain my weight.  I liked the idea that people on the street might look at me and think, “Oh, she’s so lucky.  She’s thin and doesn’t have to think about what she eats.”  I bought into that illusion myself and thought I could go back to my old ways now that I was a healthy weight.  I was craving sweets (something I never did before I lost the weight) and started eating large quantities of cookies, cupcakes, candy.  I got lazy and stopped going to the gym with such dedication.  But I still weighed myself every morning before my shower – and often after my shower as well.  The number on that scale started to mean way too much to me. 

Fast forward nearly 3 years, and I’m back up to 158 pounds.  At the beginning of last week, though, I weighed 2 more pounds than that.  You see, I’ve started taking care of myself again – with my eye toward a different kind of healthy.

I’m currently training to run the Nike Women’s Half Marathon with Team in Training this October – October 17 actually, which I just realized is exactly 3 years from hitting my WW goal.  Spooky.  I started running at the beginning of May, as soon as I signed up to run with TNT in memory of my grandma who passed away from leukemia a almost two years ago.  Prior to that I hadn’t worked out consistently in at least a year.

It was rough at first.  I started out with the Couch to 5K program and moved on to the Team in Training half marathon training plan after that.  I’ve been surprising myself week after week with what I’ve been able to accomplish – I achieved a new personal distance record this past Saturday when I ran 9 miles.

I feel strong now.  I may be overweight, but I’m doing something I never thought I could.  I’m proud of what my body has accomplished.  It’s done everything I’ve asked of it so far, and that makes me very lucky.  Now when I run down the street, I think about how great it is that I can do this – at whatever weight I happen to be.  That part isn’t important anymore. 

Becoming a runner has taught me that there’s more to me than that number on the scale.  I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend, a dog owner, a coworker, that girl you pass on the street.

 And I’m strong.

That’s pretty much where I spent the day – way up on cloud 9.  It was glorious!

To begin with the weather was absolutely perfect this morning.  I didn’t have to wake up super early to beat the heat, so I set off around 6:30.  It was still only about 65 degrees at that point.  The most perfect running weather I’ve had so far. 

Once I got going – you should really see me when I first start running; it starts off as a gimpy limp/run – I could tell I would definitely be able to make it the full 9 miles on my training schedule.  The weather was brisk so I wasn’t sweating to death for a change, and my legs felt great.  I felt mostly comfortable the whole time – just enjoying the day and the fact that I was actually running this far and little to no pain in my shin(s).

By the way, it seems I’ve come up with a solution to my shin splits.  The equation goes something like this:

Icing + Bio Relief + Zensah calf sleeves + more icing + Bio Relief again + shin brace for at least a few hours

It’s a lengthy process but totally worth it because I have zero leg pain right now!  I finally cracked the code.

I’m so incredibly proud of myself.  I finished up in about 1:56.  Not fast by any means, but my goal isn’t to run for time at this point.

I love getting up for my long run and actually achieving my goal – it makes the rest is the weekend so much sweeter.  Looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and enjoying a lazy day!

Did you run long today or was it a rest day for you?  If so, how far and how did it go?

After I wrote my last post about being in a bit of a slump, I ended up taking a week off from running.  And I actually think it helped rather than hurt me.  Halfway through my journey to 13.1 seemed like a logical breaking point.  So take a break I did.

Last week I skipped my weekday runs and attempted to make my comeback with 8 miles on Saturday morning.  Note: it was completely, disgustingly hot and humid in the Dirty Jerz last weekend.  No matter how early I woke up, it was going to be bad.  I hit the road around 6:15 or so but ended up only running 4 miles.  I guess I shouldn’t have expected to take a week off and jump in with both feet for 8 miles, but at least I tried!  I don’t consider this a failure.

The real magic started to happen on Monday of this week.  Not only have I gotten back on track with my training plan, but I’ve also cleaned up my act where eating is concerned.  I have to admit that I’ve not been making the best food choices of late.  This week, however, I’ve been a rock star, and I really think I’m back in the groove food-wise.

And since they say one good decision follows another, I ran 4 miles on Monday (outside), rode 9.5 miles on the stationary bike at the gym on Tuesday (and my sore backside is proof positive of that!), ran 4 miles Wednesday, and another 3 yesterday.  This is super for me – this is actually the very first time I’ve cross-trained since I started running back in May.  I’m not sure biking is the way to go for me, but I’m going to try some other things as well – yoga’s been tempting me for a while, and I’m also kind of itching to check out the aqua aerobics class at my gym! 

Finally, I’ve even discovered the mood-altering effect running/exercise can have on a person.  Wednesday happened to find me in a very foul mood.  I was down pretty much all day (I’m blaming hormones) and didn’t want to do anything – sit at my desk and do work, go outside at lunch and read a book, and especially run.  Despite all of that, I took myself to the gym after dinner and ran 4 miles on the treadmill.  It was hot and humid again, and I knew I wouldn’t make it outside given my mood.  I felt tons better about myself as I walked back to my car that night. 

And yesterday I got mucho tired in the late afternoon.  I fell into a pretty deep sleep on the bus on my way home from work and didn’t even want to rouse myself to get off!  When I got home, I really just wanted to take a nap.  But did I?  No!  And not just because Darcy would never allow that after being cooped up all day!  I went on autopilot, changed into my running clothes, and headed out.  I ended up running what was possibly my fastest 3 miles yet in 36:25.  Once I stopped sweating, my energy was renewed!  I had dinner, took Darcy out by the pool to hang out, packed up my lunch for today, and then waited for my friend Alyssa to come over to catch up and go for a walk.  I felt awesomely productive last night.

In a nutshell, this is the kind of week I’m going to hold onto and make myself think of in the future when I’m wanting to slack off and skip a training run.  For now, though, life is sweet and the running is good.  What more can I ask for?

In the week leading up to the Belmar 5, I don’t think I ran at all.  Not one step.  The week after that (last week) I ran my usual Monday/Wednesday/Thursday and completed all of the scheduled mileage (4/4/2), but then this past weekend I never did my long run of 8 miles.  It’s now a brand new week and despite all of my good intentions to get back on the horse, I’ve already missed my Monday run.  And while I could just move those 4 miles to tonight, I’m not sure that will happen either.

What is my problem?  I think I’m experiencing the 12-week itch.

This is a term I made up myself – don’t go looking for it in any dictionaries!  Essentially I have been training for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon since the first week of May.  The actual race is in mid-October.  When you do the math on that, that is 5 months of continuous training for just one single event.

I realize that I really do need that amount of training, having not run a step in a few years prior to signing up with Team in Training.  But halfway through the timeline, it’s all starting to wear on me.  Especially when I see other bloggers only just starting to train now for fall half marathons!

But that’s only one reason, I think.  Other excuses reasons?

• The heat.  I’ll be the first one to tell how big of a baby I am when it comes to excessively hot weather.  Which to me means 90 degrees+ and any kind of disgusting humidity.  I hate it.  If I was a serial killer (and I assure you I am not), this kind of weather would be when I would strike – that’s how crazy it makes me.

• Lack of time.  Because of the heat, I need to run either early in the morning or later in the evening.  You may remember a few posts back when I talked about giving early morning runs a try.  That lasted about three days until the mileage got too high to complete in the limited amount of time I have to run before leaving for work.  I liked running pre-dawn, but anything over 4 miles is just not doable for me.  That would require me to wake up at 4 am and get my butt out the door.  So far I’ve set my alarm countless times for 4 am and changed it back to 5:10 sometime in the middle of the night.  If I run after work, I prefer to do as soon as I get home a little after 5 – when it’s still too hot/humid (at least right now).  After I eat dinner, digest, and give Darcy some quality puppy playtime, I have nothing left.  Add in any extra errands I need to run during the week or visits to my nana in the nursing home (a new development), and you see what I mean. It’s a problem.

• Shin splints.  Lately I’ve been getting pretty bad shin splints (particular in my left leg) after running.  This is partly due to the fact that I’ve been doing many of my weekday runs on the treadmill (see above re: excessive heat/humidity!).  I just run differently on a treadmill.  But I’ve also been getting them after running outside.  They hurt so much that it often even hurts to walk for a day or two after running.  As I’m reluctant to injure myself while training, this is throwing off my entire schedule.  However, my Zensah Compression Leg Sleeves (in Team in Training purple!) are on their way – I’m hoping they’re going to help.

So that’s where my head is at right now.  Frustrated, but most of all, disappointed in myself.  I feel like I’m being lazy (and I probably am).  I need to straighten myself out now before it’s too late, and I end up walking the entire half marathon.

Consider this my cry for help….any suggestions?  What do you do when you’re lacking motivation or in a running rut?  Anyone have a good 3-day-a-week running plan for a beginner half marathoner?

In any case, I set my alarm for 5 am Saturday morning and went about my morning routine, eating a blueberry waffle with peanut butter before heading out the door with my mom at 6:15 to pick up Jill.  After that we were on our way for our 45-minute drive to the beach!

The weather was pretty overcast that morning.  Humid too, but I was grateful for the lack of sun beating down on us as we walked to the pavilion and tents to pick up our t-shirts and complimentary tote bag and mug.  After that we took the obligatory “before” picture. 

It wasn’t long after that, however, while we were stretching and waiting to head to the starting line, that the skies opened up.  It started as a steady, light rain and quickly escalated to a full-on downpour.  At that point we weren’t really anywhere where we could seek shelter, so Jill and I basically stood in the deluge for the next 20-30 minutes getting completely soaked.  You can’t really tell in the picture below, but it’s pouring there and we both look like we’ve just gotten out of the ocean!

The rain finally let up about 15 minutes or so before the 2,182 runners lined up at the starting line.  This was by far the largest race I’ve ever run in – the one 5K I did almost 3 years ago was way smaller at less than 200 participants.  Oddly enough, though, it didn’t seem that big when lining up to start!  I kept trying to make sure I was way in the back since I’m slow, but even the back of the pack was not too far from the start. 

I was a bit worried at the start since I’ve never run any considerable distance while soaking wet – shoes and all.  I really feared that I was going to end up with blisters due to wet socks/shoes.  Not the worst thing that could happen but a minor setback nonetheless.  I pushed all of that out of my mind and took off.

I saw my mom on the side of the course within the first quarter mile and waved like a crazy person, but she didn’t see me.    After that I was on my own as far as my personal cheering section went.  I should also mention here that were some crazy-fast runners competing in this race.  As I approached the time clock at the first mile (around the 12-minute mark), the lead runners were already running back in the other direction toward the finish line.  The male winner finished in 24:40.57 while the female winner crossed the finish line in 28:35.72.  Unbelievable!

For the most part there weren’t too many people cheering once you got through the first mile on Ocean Avenue.  The course took a turn onto back roads after that, and every once in a while there would be people outside their houses cheering us on.  Some of them even had their hoses out to keep us cool!  You can bet I ran through as many of them as possible.  I mean, I was already wet, what difference would a little more water make?

I started out using my 9:1 run/walk strategy for this race, the same way I do for all of my long runs.  I didn’t stick to it exactly due to some side stitches after drinking at the water stops and other times when I just couldn’t run anymore.  I think it averaged out about the same though based on my finishing time. 

Around the 3.5 mile mark I really wanted to be done!  The course was deceptively hilly.  It didn’t necessarily appear to be full of hills, but there were more than expected.  I know I really need to get used to hills as I’m running my half marathon in San Francisco, but it was so humid (still!) and they were sucking the life right out of me.  But I just told myself that I only had 1.5 miles to go and carried on. 

I’m not gonna lie – that last 1.5 miles seemed like it took forever!  But eventually the finish line was in sight.  I picked up the pace a bit to get there a little faster, and it wasn’t long before I heard my mom, Aunt Debbie, and Jill yelling my name.  I pasted a smile on my face for the photographers (the professional race pix being all important) and crossed the finish line.  My longest race to date was behind me! 

My chip time ended up being 1:00.50.  I had told my mom that I would finish in about an hour, and I was right.  I’m nothing if not consistent!  My previous 5-mile training runs had all been completed in that same time almost down to the second.

A photographer from The Examiner got a picture of me just as I finished – one that will live on forever as one of the top 10 most unflattering pictures I have of myself.  It’s on page 12 of the Photos of Finishers page (first one in the second row) if you feel like sharing in my humiliation.  I look rather…squishy, I would say.  In my defense, I was really wet and all the wicking fabric in the world couldn’t keep it from getting a bit misshapen!

My personal photographer – a.k.a Mom – got these shots of me as I slowed it to a walk.

And then Jill and I got together for the “after” shot.  Jill finished in 43:27.94.  This was her very first race ever!  She did an awesome job.

Seconds after those pictures were taken I took off my shoes and put on my flip flops.  I actually poured water out of my shoes, that’s how wet they were!  Disgusting.  Then it was back to the car to make the trip home.

I have to say that I’m pretty darn proud of myself for completing this race.  I really only had one goal going into it – to finish the 5 miles in an hour.  And I did.  My mom and I were talking on the drive home, and I said, “Who would have ever thought that Jill and I would run a 5 mile race together one day?”  The answer is probably no one.  And my mom replied, “And that you would be the initiator!”  True enough.  As I mentioned in my previous post, I was so not into sports as a child.  So to run consistently and participate in races the way I am now is really amazing to me.  I can’t believe how far I’ve come since the day in early May when I signed up with Team in Training.  I am constantly surprising myself and running these long distances is still a little bit surreal to me.

I still don’t really see myself as an athlete, but I think I’m getting there.  It’s just a mental thing, I guess.

What is your proudest racing moment?  Have you always been an athlete or is it something you’ve come into later in life?

Probably not, if you’re over the age of 5.  But since I happen to spend a fair amount of time with little kids, I’ve stumbled across this little tune.  And I have to say it’s pretty catchy!  I’m willing to forfeit any cool factor I may have to tell that I’ve actually downloaded it from iTunes to play on some of running playlists.

All of this to say that tomorrow is actually a racing day for me.  My first, in fact, since I started training for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon with Team in Training.  Tomorrow morning TNT is getting together state-wide to run this race:

Since my cousin Jill is training to run the Atlantic City (Full) Marathon (on the very same day as my half!), I asked her if she’d like to join me tomorrow.  The two of us will be heading down to the beach bright and early tomorrow morning.  I have to be there at 7 am to meet my event coach who will be traveling with us to San Francisco for the half marathon in October.

I’m looking forward not only to the race itself but being able to share the experience with with my cousin.  Jill has always been an athlete – she grew up playing soccer, softball, and basketball.  Me?  Not so much.  I was a dancer for about 10 years and played piano and flute.  And read a lot of books.  Call me artsy, maybe.  Basically, the two of us didn’t have much in common.

We’ve always been friends since we grew up together, living just blocks apart, but I feel like now that we’re both trying to achieve a similar goal, we’ve gotten even closer.  It’s pretty fun to chat about how many miles we ran on a particular day and what routes we’re taking.

Our moms are planning on coming also to cheer us on and play paparazzi!  I’m excited to finally have some pictures of myself running.  Although I may regret that later when I look like I’m dying in every one.

Are you running any races this weekend?  What does your summer race schedule look like?

After our traditional Friday night dinner of pizza and hanging out on the porch with the family, I headed up to my room to prep for the morning’s run.  Fully charged Garmin?  Check.  Fully charged iPod?  Check.  Clothes laid out, Spibelt filled with all essentials?  Check and check.  I downloaded a few new songs on iTunes, created a new playlist entitled 8 MILE (because I’m so hard core like Eminem, you know), and hit the hay.  6 am comes early.

I ended up heading out the door around 6:30 or so on Saturday morning.  I had also mapped out my route the day before.  Just that act itself had caused a flurry of butterflies in my stomach.  8 miles sounded really far to me, and I was kind of psyching myself out.

The run started out like pretty much every other – I pretty much wanted to quit within the first quarter mile.  Yes, that is how every run goes for me.  It takes me at least a mile – and often two – for my to really hit my stride and for my legs to remember what the heck they’re supposed to do.  The different this time around, though, is that I never really lost that feeling.

That was the first time I wanted to quit.  The second time was when I hit a section of the new addition to my route that in reality looked just like a small incline, but felt like this (except obviously not on a bike):

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The third (but not final) time I considered quitting was at mile 4.  And this time I was serious.  The run so far had been completely miserable for me, and I just wasn’t feeling it.  I was in the middle of a 9-minute running interval and told myself that when my Garmin beeped for the walk break, I could turn down a certain street that would loop me back to my house.  I wasn’t happy about it though.  I hadn’t given up on a run yet and didn’t particularly want to start.

Long story short, I didn’t end up quitting, but the second half was the biggest mental struggle I’ve been through while training for this half marathon.  I kept thinking about how hard it was, how hot it was, how tired my legs were, how thirsty I was.  My brain could only focus on the negative. 

In the end, I changed up my route a bit and ran to Walgreens for a giant bottle of water.  Walgreens was a bit closer than I anticipated, and I had just about had it at that point, so I cut the run just a tad short – 7.84 miles in 1:37:44.  Close enough for jazz, as my fourth grade teacher used to say (I had no idea what he really meant by that until much later in life!)  Slow and somewhat steady.  Considering how close I came to quitting several times, this was a win for me.

In hindsight, there were probably a few things I could point to as a cause for my sluggish morning.

• Lack of sleep – I probably should have turned in earlier the night before instead of messing around with a new playlist.
• Dehydration – Although I bought a Camelbak a couple of weeks ago, I have yet to use it because I’m so self-conscious about how moronic I look in it.  I think I’m going to look into alternative hydration sources.  Any thoughts?  What works for you?
• Hills – I didn’t plan it this way, but the first half of my route contained one really huge hill (mentioned above) that kind of sapped all of my energy.  Obviously, I need to train hills since my race is in San Francisco, but this was maybe too much, too fast?

• Just a bad day – I know all runners have them.  This just happened to be my worst so far.  It will happen again, I’m sure.

So that was my 8 miles.  I didn’t let it get me down and woke up early this morning for a 4-miler before heading off to my company’s summer outing.  It was kind of nice to be able to casually mention that I’d already run 4 miles this morning despite the 95 degree heat and humidity!

I know you all probably have way more horror stories than I do so far…so share them in the comments!  What was your worst run?  Did you push through?  Did you stop and call it a day?

Also, Kerri over at Kat Does Diets put together a great post today with many of the bloggers currently training for half marathons…including yours truly!  It really makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to think that I’ve become a part of this crazy place we call the blog world.  I love reading about what everyone’s up to and training for!